This can't be good. Nothing good will ever come out of it. It has to stop.

But I can't. I can't bear to, don't dare to.

What do you do when you know something is bad for you, yet need it, want it so much?

Do you ignore the warning signs and just pretend everything is alright? Or do you bail out immediately, ignoring the pain that is sure to follow?

Or perhaps, just perhaps, you can actually change the inevitable outcome, change the ending?

I need courage.

Perhaps it is all in your mind, and things aren't as bad as they seem. But do you dare risk it?

My perception of everything is blurred by paranoia. Nothing is ever what it seems, nobody is ever truthful. How I wish I could decipher the meaning of certain words. Figure out how the clock ticks.

Words are cheap, I don't believe you.

You believe in me so much it scares me. How do you only see the good in me? Why are you so sure that I am worthy?

I want so much to prove you right. I don't want to let you down. Perhaps I can even go so far as to say that I fear the day I fail before you.

I am afraid.

Should I just quit while I'm ahead of myself?

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Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder; would it be better if I just told someone everything? All these secrets are piling down on me, crushing me. But nobody ever understands, only you. And you are the last person I can confide in at this point.

I am suffocating.

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